Thursday, August 6, 2009

How many Sheets does it take?

I have spent the last week cleaning plastic mini blinds, tinkering with web buttons and staring endlessly at my husband! Want to know why? The kids, except for Terron, (our college student who's rarely home) have been out of town with hubby's family for two whole weeks!!! For the first time, in over 11 years we were dangerously left home alone to debate minuscule topics, like how many bugs have collected inside the windows or how could so much dust collect under the refrigerator?
My hubby and I at the end of two weeks have turned back into the sweet and lovable ole' "Pettybickers!!!"

Now, here is the question of all questions my husband asked me, "How many sheets of toilet paper do you need to use in the bathroom?" Yes, I was just as stunned!

The other day as I'm strolling by the bathroom, I look over and there he is (see photo above) my husband absolutely perplexed, yells out to me, (classic pettybicker style) "OMG Wanda, how much toilet paper do you need?" He has complained about this for years and I have always just assumed he's been referring to the kids, you know they use a lot. Well, I stopped dead in my tracks, because I realized Mr. Bicker was trying to have a toilet tissue show down with me!!! Clearly, I was not going to be so compliant to this line of questioning, I sharply raised one eyebrow quietly ignoring him as I sashayed over into the Kitchen. As I mindlessly began minding my own business contemplating what to clean, here he comes all militaryish (new word) looking at me with clear disdain about my alleged tissue over usage! He sets a new roll down on the table (see photo on left) and says, "How did we use up 4 rolls of toilet paper in a week?" OK, well I'd had enough of this, I said, "You tell me right now how many sheets does it take?" He rolls out 3 sheets!!! My mouth drops in shock, I say, "Wow, no way that's just not enough, that's insane you'll get something on your hands!" He says, "Go show me how many you use!" Because I'm visual and want to prove my point, I needed to re-enact my toilet paper usage process, I say, "Come with me." I knew I probably used more but, I needed him to see that he just doesn't use enough (classic pettybicker argument). I sit down grab what I need and clearly it's a wad of way too much toilet paper! My husband's proof of my over usage ignited him into pure joy, he starts shaking his head while looking at me with his award winning smirky grin!

Oh boy, he's got the upper hand now as he stretches out my wad and lays it next to his 3 sheets, he is in pure toilet paper heaven at this new found revelation (see photo on right*)! Then to seal my fate here comes college student with his input, "OMG, that's just ridiculous!"

So, that's that then, it's not the kids it's me, I am the culprit of the toilet tissue misuse, I have been blaming them for years (poor babies). Now my hubby can say with absolute surety, "It's not them it's you!"
I counted out my sheets and to my horror there were 13!
I really don't know how many sheets are reasonable, 13 is too much but 3, is just not enough!

So how about it people, "How many sheets are reasonable?"

*(no toilet paper was wasted during the creation of this post:)

22 comments:

QueenBee said...

I'm tickled at you girl. I declare I don't count the sheets and I'm not going to. I roll off what I feel I need cause if I get anything on my hand, it's on!! You two should have been getting the nasty dance on put your apple bottom jeans on and your boots with the fur and dropping it LOW, LOW, LOW, LOW. I guess that causes for a blog for another day. Hahahaha

Sandra Winn said...

LOL, this post is HILARIOUS!!! I use as many sheets as it takes, I use about three for small business and three at a time until I'm clean for big business. :-)

Hugs ~ Sandy

Ms. Wanda said...

Yes, Queenbee your absolutely right, I didn't drop it low and I ended up blogging about toilet paper, yikes!!! LOL!
Sandra Winn of Moms Fighting Fat 3 at time that's good, I will have to remember that:)

Moms Fighting Fat and SandraWinn.net said...

Hehe...Wanda, if the consistency is a bit soft I may use 5-6 sheets to protect my hands. You know, I'm seriously considering having a beday installed--I've heard and read that they're wonderful. Hey, you should ask your hubs to put one in, that would really save a lot when it comes to toilet paper. :-)

Circular Logic said...

HA! You are adorable!!! What a great blog topic! I would have to say that I'm against getting my hand wet/dirty while using toilet paper, but I'm also a huge tree hugger, so I've studied this topic extensively. :P We absolutely don't buy the thick, plushy kind of TP (it takes a tremendous toll on the environment), but there are some great two-ply recycled kinds of TP out there that work great (I recommend Marcal Small Steps). With that, you only need about 3 sheets for small business, maybe four for big business. And this is kind of ridiculous, but when I'm sitting there waiting to finish, I separate the layers, then put them back together, making things a little extra fluffy. (What can I say? I just have to keep my hands busy all of the time, which is how I came to separate the layers of TP in the first place!) . If I'm using one ply Scott tissue, I use a little more--probably 5 or 6 sheets. I'm sure my husband is the bigger toilet paper abuser in this house!

Great blog, and congratulations on Blogrollers!

JenellyBean said...

LOL!!!

My father used to complain about excessive toilet tissue usage so I never take too much--even now and i live with my Fiance!

I always get stuff on my hands!

I need to get over what my daddy says and use what I need.

THANKS!
:-)

A. Spence said...

LMAO!!! I LOVE IT. What a great way to spend time with your husband....answering the questions that you're thinking but never say.

I would agree that 13 is just right.

Lara said...

I don't know. . .the whole thing just leaves me feeling a little flushed and wiped out!

MOMSWEB said...

I forgot about my comment as I read Circular Logic's comment and then Lara's comment summed it up. LOL. The funniest thing about this post is how familiar it sounds to my own hubby. He always makes comments about how much toilet paper I use. Get a life and get out the toilet!

onemuse said...

We gals just use more and that's that!

Ms. Wanda, back when I worked for a bank as an admin, one of my two bosses called a meeting to announce that he was getting married. Everyone offered congratulations, but then my other boss said to him in front of the assembled crowd, "Oh Lord. You'd better buy stock in toilet paper!"

HAHAHA--this post took me right back to that very funny moment! Thanks for the giggles this morning--much needed and appreciated!

Unknown Mami said...

This was a great post. You made me smile.

I overuse TP too, but I don't care.

Thank you for linking to me on BlogRollers. Thank you for letting me know about them in general. I went and checked them out after they featured you.

Equidae said...

lol i have no idea how much i use but its usually a wad BUT i can say that we dont use toooo much as it always serves a long time a roll!

Christian Mommy Writer said...

I don't count, but I probably use close to 13 too! I don't want to touch anything and I notice that I'm always unrolling toliet paper longer than everyone else in public bathrooms...oh well. That's one cost that I don't mind paying for! :-)

rebecca said...

I found you by way of "life is a cocktail," and so glad I did. This post made me laugh because when my daughter lived at home the toilet paper usage was R.I.D.I.C.U.L.O.U.S.!! And, I'm not anywhere as bad as your husband, believe me, but the girl would roll and roll and roll and it would drive me insane!!! She probably had 25 sheets in her hands at one time. When I tell you it was insane, it was insane. So, yeah, this post made me laugh real hard! LOL!!!

rebecca said...

Oh, and btw, of course it's your fault...you're the mother, don't you know that by now? =)

Ms. Wanda said...

The other day I heard the funniest story about the toilet paper crisis. In most cases it's always us women that get the bad rap. My friend told me that her husband is an extreme toilet paper user. He has some kind of toilet paper fetish! She shared with me that she just went to BJ's and bought him two packs of the 24 rolls and in a week he's gone through one pack, I was LOL when she told me this story:) Now I can tell my husband it's not women it's men too honey!!!!

Sarah said...

This is so funny because my mom was such a freak about TP sheets when I was growing up...eight was the magic number. I don't count anymore but I can almost guarantee that 8 is such a habit, it's probably how many I end up with 90% of the time just out of habit...

~ Lisa @ AbidingThere~ said...

This is SO FUNNY! And I've enjoyed reading all the comments, too.

So, I guess i'm the tp nazi at my house. I use a small amount, followed by a flushable baby wipe ;) but my husband literally wraps his hand around and around with tp - I mean at least 20-25 sheets and then does it again and again until he's clean. We go through A LOT of tp here. I tried to tell him to just try the baby wipe ... lol

Anonymous said...

ok - big issue here. we have a young (20) yr old girl living with us. we save water and don't flush after every "pee" and we asked her to do this as well. OMG - we go in bathroom and see wads of tp in the toilet after just peeing. I thought excessive tp usage was some type of mental illness - ok - now i see LOTS of ppl have this issue. but WE pay the plumbing bill (when the toilet clogs)so its more than just a matter of the actual tp being used. wow, how fascinating to find that many ppl use a lot. I lived with a tp nazi and a septic tank growin up who told us we could only use like 2 or 3 sheets of the THIN stuff, so maybe i got accustomed to this. We buy the medium-range cushy stuff (cottonelle usually) which you really do only NEED 4 sheets to wipe completely dry AND keep your hands clean as well. I really want to say something to her about how much she needs, but I've read some other blogs now and see that that would be a waste of breath. I guess we'll just ask her to buy her own tp (only the thin stuff) and let her just use as much as she thinks she needs. lmao - we never talked about this kind of thing with strangers 20 yrs ago, huh? The wonders of the internet never cease.

Anonymous said...

ok - big issue here. we have a young (20) yr old girl living with us. we save water and don't flush after every "pee" and we asked her to do this as well. OMG - we go in bathroom and see wads of tp in the toilet after just peeing. I thought excessive tp usage was some type of mental illness - ok - now i see LOTS of ppl have this issue. but WE pay the plumbing bill (when the toilet clogs)so its more than just a matter of the actual tp being used. wow, how fascinating to find that many ppl use a lot. I lived with a tp nazi and a septic tank growin up who told us we could only use like 2 or 3 sheets of the THIN stuff, so maybe i got accustomed to this. We buy the medium-range cushy stuff (cottonelle usually) which you really do only NEED 4 sheets to wipe completely dry AND keep your hands clean as well. I really want to say something to her about how much she needs, but I've read some other blogs now and see that that would be a waste of breath. I guess we'll just ask her to buy her own tp (only the thin stuff) and let her just use as much as she thinks she needs. lmao - we never talked about this kind of thing with strangers 20 yrs ago, huh? The wonders of the internet never cease.

David said...

So easy to use less Toilet Paper = get a Hand Bidet Sprayer and you can wash with water so you don't really need Toilet Paper anymore. Cleaner, greener, healthier, saves money and you never run out! See bathroomsprayers.com.

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